


A room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache

by Emilys_List



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Angst, Arbor Day, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-30
Updated: 2008-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-28 12:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/674497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilys_List/pseuds/Emilys_List
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She remembered Oscar’s welcome back party as she looked at the wall where there used to be a hole. She ran her fingers over the seam. It had been patched over, but she knew. She thought about wearing a sombrero and she closed her eyes. Gathering strength, or whatever passes for strength, she walked into the room where Michael was giving an inaccurate speech about Arbor Day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A room full of missed chance, slow dance, cold fate, heartache

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any characters that you recognize. They belong to Mssrs. Gervais, Merchant, and Daniels, and all associated corporations. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> A/N: Title and chapter name stolen from "Lay My Head Down" by the Indigo Girls, because it rocks and provided me with the inspiration for this ficlet.  
> 

The irony of an Arbor Day party was lost only on Michael. “We’re a paper company, it’s a day about trees. You don’t need a degree from some fancy-schmancy college to make that connection.”  
  
“Hey, let’s go celebrate deforestation,” Jim said cheerfully to Karen, who smiled and walked with him into the conference room. Pam sighed, setting the system to automatic voicemail. Parties at Dunder Mifflin had always been hard, but the forced social interaction had really been putting her over the edge recently.  
  
Her options:  
(a) Talk to Kelly. Always dangerous.  
(b) Talk to Angela. Not really an option.  
(c) Talk to Oscar. Actually, that wasn’t bad. She had recently found out that they shared a love of Marc Chagall and the New York Times Book Review.  
(d) Make small talk with Karen. The thing was, she really liked Karen and got along with her, but… well. A hello, a joke about Todd Packer, or a goodbye were all they could really manage now.  
  
She remembered Oscar’s welcome back party as she looked at the wall where there used to be a hole. She ran her fingers over the seam. It had been patched over, but she knew. She thought about wearing a sombrero and she closed her eyes. Gathering strength, or whatever passes for strength, she walked into the room where Michael was giving an inaccurate speech about Arbor Day.  
  
She grabbed a (Christmas) tree-shaped cookie and tried not to notice Jim, who was trying not to notice her. How could be it be so awkward like this with someone whom she’d never dated -- had never seen her naked? It wasn’t even this awkward with Roy – and he had seen her without anything on, too many times to tally. But Jim had seen her exposed – emotionally – and he could see through her, she just knew it.  
  
She tried to shrug the feeling off as Michael finished his speech. Phyllis asked her about art classes – that’s right! Phyllis! Option (e).  
  
She mingled, smiling, but today was mostly a missing Jim kind of day. (This conference room, not too long ago. She’d woken up from a light sleep, with her head on Jim’s shoulder. For the rest of the day, she felt like she could smell his scent, his skin, his shirt.) What a simple, perfect moment. She corrected herself. Not simple. Easy, but never simple.  
  
He’d named the feelings they both had – still had, in her case. Maybe he’d felt that way for a long time, but the feelings had to have faded by now. It was at this point she realized she was staring angstily at a bottle of water, so she tried to shrug it off again and asked Toby about Sasha. Her eyes drifted to Jim and Karen, the latter of which was adjusting the knot in Jim’s tie. He smiled down at Karen, but then his eyes found Pam’s. He averted his gaze quickly, and looked back after a beat. He nodded and she looked back to Toby, who was almost grinning at her. Toby. What a nice guy.  
  
Eventually she drifted back to her desk to sketch: a vending machine with Dwight’s desk stuff in it, an empty heart, the park by her mom’s house. She deleted Michael’s email about the upcoming beach day. Sounded like fun, but she didn’t need a history of Lake Scranton to accompany the message.  
  
Jim left the conference room, returning to his desk without looking at her, and her heart hurt, just a little. She missed him wholly, sitting five feet in front of her. They hardly talked and when they did it was uncomfortable and awkward – all the things it shouldn’t be. She stared hard at the back of his head, willing him to turn and yell at her or kiss her or just do something. She saw his shoulders sag as he checked the database and picked up the phone. And she waited.  
  
/end.  



End file.
